Hey, feet. I haven’t thought about you in a while.
Over the last couple of weeks, I started feeling some strange pain in my feet. I actually thought it was because of my new-ish shoes or maybe my socks were rubbing in a weird way. It almost felt like blisters, but I couldn’t see any redness. I know the cometriq can sometimes cause pain and redness on your hands and feet. So maybe that’s it?
Fast forward to today. I can hardly walk now without feeling pain all over the bottoms of my feet. Still no redness or blisters, but it feels like I’m walking on firey hot sand. All the time. And the more I walk the more it hurts. Let’s add this to the ridiculous symptoms that I have to deal with. I also vomited a bunch this week. So it’s been fun.
My partner Josephine (hi, beautiful!) said, “You have a very high tolerance for suffering.” And I said, “I wish we didn’t know that about me.”
After talking with my doctor she confirmed it is probably a side effect of the cometriq. I’ve been experiencing A LOT of side-effects and it’s pretty miserable. So she has told me to take a few days off the Cometriq until I feel a little better, and then we’ll start it again. Maybe at a lower dose.
I really hope it helps, but obviously I can’t stop for too long. Remember, I’m either on this medicine or I’m dying.
Gimme my money back
So applying for Social security disability is about as fun as doing taxes with knife in your head, except even more stupid. It has taken me weeks to collect all of the information they need to process the application. Hours and hours at the computer filling out forms. Plus I’ve printed out enough financial and medical records that I have a stack of paper that makes an audible “Thud!” when you drop it on the table. Once I complete the application it can take 6 weeks to 2 years to get approved… So I may literally be dead by the time I get approved. I think mine will be fast-tracked a bit because I checked a little box that said something like “Will the source of your disability eventually result in your death?” When I clicked “yes” this window popped-up and it was like, “you should call us after you submit your application.” I called them and now I have to go in next week and talk to them in person. So hopefully I get priority or something. I think the secret test is that nobody with a disability could possibly finish the application.
“Did you finish the application?”
“Yes.”
“Well, then you can’t possibly be disabled. Your application is denied!”
And they ask really strange questions about your work and your family. Did my ex-wife work for a railroad for more than 5 years? Really? I think she owned Reading Railroad in Monopoly a few times but that only adds up to like 3 or 4 years. (Get it. Because Monopoly is a really long game? I’m hilarious.)
Hi, Mr.Government. Can you just give back some of the money you’ve stolen from me for the last 25 years?
No wiggle room
Speaking of money. I don’t have any. In general, I live a pretty modest life. I rarely get to spend money on “fun things”. But money is getting tight. We will almost definitely have to move out of our apartment in December, when the lease is up. Getting out of the lease early would cost so much, it’s not even worth it.
We have a pretty nice place with rooms for the kids, and it’s right down the road from their school. It really sucks to think about losing my home. I love where we live. I have squirrel friends (Victoria!) and bird friends (Bernadette!). Neighbor pugs who squeal like pigs. It’s our home. But we gotta cut expenses somewhere. 🙁
We’ll probably downsize to a smaller apartment. The kids will have to share a room or maybe even sleep in the living room. We’ll also need to move further from their school. Which will add hours of driving to our day. Everything is just kind of falling apart. I’m not just dying, I’m losing everything on the way out. It doesn’t seem real.
I have to pull about $20k out of my butt, to get through the year. I have enough money to get through a couple more months, but then I’m done. Then I’ll have to start maxxing out my credit cards, and start selling everything I own. One of the few things I can still do is work on my art a few hours a day. I’ve sold a few prints and originals in the past, but it’s not a business by any means.
We have a few fundraising ideas that I will be sharing with you soon. One of which I’m pretty excited about. The GoFund Me has kind of dried up. Which is to be expected now that the fervor has died. Thank you a billion times over to those who’ve donated. And those who haven’t donated, thank you for following along anyway. I appreciate the opportunity to tell my story. 🙂
Next Steps
Hopefully meeting with Social Security next week to finish the application. No other checkups planned until early March. Holding on for dear life.
