I’ve had a few friends and family reach out to me recently and ask how I’m doing. So I guess it’s time to post an update? My resistance to post more often is for a few different reasons. Some I’ve mentioned before.
I have very low energy.
It takes a lot for me to do anything besides sit on the couch. Even working on my art is daunting and taxing physically and mentally. Anything involving the computer sounds like a trek through sludge. I’m relying more and more on my partner Josephine to do daily things. Thank the gods for Josephine. She makes most of my meals, helps care for the kids and my new pup. She’s always checking on me to make sure I’m ok, or just to listen to me complain about what ailment is bothering the most at any given moment. Thank you, my love.
Chemo-brain.
I mentioned this in my last video (I think), but chemotherapy does a number on my ability to focus, remember things, and even form intelligent thoughts. When I think about posting an update, I often have no idea what I’ve posted before. Or I’ll have an idea for a post and start forming thoughts until I realize… I’ve already posted about that… :/ It’s embarrassing and annoying. So, pardon my redundancy.
Nothing is new. Or at least it seems that way.
I tend not to post because for the most part, nothing has really changed. I’m still slogging on. Every day blurs with the day before. I’m sure we all feel that way with the lockdown (f— the lockdown btw). I wake up, feel terrible, take medicine, feel terrible, take medicine, rinse, and repeat. Sometimes I have a few bright spots during the day, but for the most part, I kinda feel like I’m just slowly fading into the background. I’m becoming one with my couch.
So that’s my uplifting way of sharing why I don’t post that often.
I’ve had a few teledoc meetings without much news to report. I’ll get more labs this week. I’m back on the 100mg of Cometriq and it’s kicking my butt, but probably killing the cancer, so that’s good, I guess. I’ll get scans in June to prove it.
I want to travel. I want to spend time with my family. I want to LIVE! I once wrote a song called “Do what you want” – AudioBody. And a lyric in the song says, “I want to live. I want to live. I want to live at the edge of my life.” Well, I’m at the edge of my life, but I don’t feel like I’m living all that much.
Now go smile and laugh and stuff. I’m sure I will. If only for a few moments. 🙂
